10 Ways to Tell People To Fuck Off (with Fuck Off Flags Of Course)

We here at Fuck Off central are full of fun ways to tell people to fuck off. If you are looking for some inspiration with a little flair you are in the right place.

1. The Roommate Who Won't Change the Toilet Paper Roll

Number 1, Number 2 - doesn’t matter - it is empty. It has been empty. You had a secret stash to keep your stronghold of NOT being the person to replace AGAIN. You were holding out hope somebody might get the hint that you are not the keeper of the tp. But alas - it has been days. Sitting there. Empty. One tiny piece stuck to the cardboard saying this is not enough. Somebody please put me out of my misery. Go for it. Plant a Pirate Style Fuck Off right on it. Let them know you see it is empty. You see that they see it is empty and it is their fucking turn to fill it.

2. The Coworker Who Keeps Stealing Your Lunch

We don’t get HOW this person continues to “think your lunch” is theirs time and time again. You even caught them eating it out in the open. No shame. No fucks to give. Lucky for you, you are armed with a drawer full of Fuck Off Flags to give. Next time place it right in there. Show off the Kindly Fuck Off just for manners, if you must. We guess it is a workplace so when this shithead goes to HR about you being mean about them stealing your shit at least you can say you used your manners.

3. The Person Who Parked Like An Absolute Asshole In The Garage

This person is either blind or has spatial relation issues. No matter what they seem to park on an angle across two spots EVERY day after you have secured your spot. You inevitably come out to run that errand at lunch or duck out a little early and you get to practice the art of climbing through the hatch of your car, backing out in a new patented 45-point turn and avoiding scratching their car. Leave the For the Summit of Fuck Off Mountain flag for them. May they conquer that challenge and never return.

4. In the Retirement Party Cupcakes

Look at this smug asshole. Put in the long hours, hard work and now gets to that “every day is a Saturday” life while you inherit their 7:00 am recurring meeting every Monday. You can sneak in that smile of a polite fuck off in their cupcake but you know deep down you mean it. You are also happy for them but also don’t want them to go.

5. The Person Who Put Their Small Item In The Overhead Bin

A jacket. A personal item. Something that by every possible measure fits under the seat in front of them and yet here it is, taking up the exact spot your actual carry-on needs, while they sit directly below it completely unbothered and looking away - no eye contact to confirm their guilt. If they aren’t going to fix it, neither are you. What you ARE going to do is tuck a Block Letter Fuck Off Toothpick Flag into whatever that thing is, close the bin, take your seat, and spend the next two hours knowing it is in there waiting to be found somewhere between here and baggage claim.

6. From The Bartender To The Person Who Needs To Be Cut Off

Everyone at the bar knows. You know. The person three stools down who is minding their business knows. The only one unclear on the situation is the loud, slurring idiot who keeps screaming their order above the music. The order you WILL fill for this drunken fucker - a nice cool glass of water with an Off You Fuck Toothpick Flag planted in it. Message delivered. Shift continues.

7. When The First Date Is Not Going To Continue

You knew by the appetizers. Maybe before the appetizers. You did the math on how long this was going to take and whether the bread was worth it - it was, the date was not. You will finish the meal because you have manners but before you have to hear any more about their mom. Before you make that bathroom escape, a Fuck Eww Toothpick Flag slides in on the table to take your place. Not a scene. Just a small Alexis Rose-approved goodbye for something that was never making it to dessert.

8. The Office Mess That Keeps Coming Back

You love when people treat shared spaces like a communal trash can that is somebody else’s mess to clean up. HR has tried. The Office Manager has tried. The time for nice is over. Plant a To Whom It May Concern: Fuck Off Toothpick Flag directly in the pile. Addressed to no one. Understood by exactly one person. Long overdue.

9. A Random Act Of Chaos At The Doctor's Office

They call you back. You change into the paper gown. They crank the AC to 60 degrees. And then you wait … and get to work. A fuck off flag under the keyboard. One in the magazine as a bookmark. One inside the blood pressure cuff for the next person who needs it more than you do. Twelve flags. One exam room. The copay was absolutely worth it.

10. In A Bouquet Of Flowers When It's Over

Not a blowup. Just the final period on the novel that has been this relationship. Tuck a Fuck Off Over the Rainbow flag in a bouquet of roses. They MAY call you again but they definitely don’t want to get back together.