Why You Should Never Leave the House Without a Fuck Off Flag in Your Glove Box
You have jumper cables in there. A tire gauge you've used exactly once. Some napkins from a drive-thru three years ago. And yet the one thing that would actually get used on a semi-regular basis - the thing that would genuinely improve your quality of life - is nowhere to be found.
A pack of Fuck Off Flags.
Parking lots are lawless. Feral, even. You can be the most zen, conflict-avoidant person on the planet everywhere else in your life, and then you pull into a crowded parking garage and all bets are off. These are end times and you must survive. Parking brings something out of people. Mostly it brings out an asshole.
We made the variety packs for exactly this purpose - a whole glove box arsenal so you're never caught without the right one.
The Two-Spot Straddler
You know this person. You've seen their work. A perfectly good line, completely ignored, in favor of parking dead center across two spots because it is "so nice" and shouldn't get dinged. Well don't worry about the dent but your ego will take hit.
Plant one on the windshield, right in their eyeline, and let them enjoy their extra square footage knowing that you walked right up and touched their precious vehicle (probably a trunk) even with all that space.
The Ding-and-Run
The door ding is bad enough. The door ding with zero note, zero acknowledgment, and a driver who is already three stores away pretending this never happened - that's a different animal entirely. That's not an accident anymore. That's a choice.
Tuck one under the wiper and let it say what the absent note should have.
The Phantom Blocker
You come out to leave and someone has boxed you in. Not parked near you - parked on you, functionally. No note. No number. Just you, standing next to your car, doing the math on how long you're willing to wait before you start looking for security.
Leave a flag on their windshield for when they eventually return. They will know exactly how long you stood there thinking about them. Hell yo umay be there and give it to them in person - power move!
The Compact Spot Enthusiast in a Full-Size Truck
We don't understand this one either. The spot said compact. They are not compact. Somehow this is happening anyway, and somehow it is always happening to us specifically. If you know, you know.
Not personal. Just accurate.
The Repeat Offender
Some situations aren't a one-time thing. It's the same garage, the same angled nonsense, every single day, from what you're fairly certain is the same person, because who else could possibly need this much room to exist. At a certain point this stops being an incident and starts being a relationship.
Rotate through a few designs. Keep it fresh. You've got the whole week covered.
Here's the thing about keeping flags in the car: you are not actually starting a war. You're not leaving a note that escalates. You're doing something smaller and, honestly, more satisfying - you're saying the thing, once, cleanly, and then getting on with your day. They may never know WHO left it but they will know WHAT was said.
So the next time you're cleaning out the glove box and debating whether you really need three different phone chargers you don't recognize, leave those. Make room for a variety pack instead. You will use it far more often than you'd like to admit.
Your move, two-spot guy.