4 New Passive Aggressive Flags for Fall (Two of Them Are Hiding Something)
Fall is the season of fresh starts. New school year. New quarter. New neighbor who has already put a laminated sign in their yard about leaf blowing hours. Just because the leaves are starting to change doesn't mean that people have.
So we made four new flags for them. Two are tiny and extremely direct. Two are big, beautiful, and lying to everyone who walks past. Here they are, and exactly who each one is for.
1. For being someone's hero (or villain): Last One Toothpick Flags
You say it all the time. You hear it all the time. I have no more fucks to give.
Our Last One Toothpick Flags give you both the hero and the villain edit. Somebody in your life has run completely out of fucks. You swoop in and hand them your very last one, just in case they really need it. Every flag comes with the fine print to make it official: "You are the lucky recipient of my very last fuck to give."
Six flags per pack, which is technically six last fucks. We are all a dichotomy - we get it. Enjoy the set that's full of lies, because six last fucks is actually a lot of fucks to give.
2. For the person who needs it explained one more time: ABCDEFUCKOFF Toothpick Flags
The ABCDEFUCKOFF Toothpick Flags spell it out in gold serif on deep plum. Very schoolhouse. Very sophisticated. Twelve letters, zero spelling errors, and technically educational, which is your answer if anyone from HR asks.
They are made for the teacher somewhere around the second week of October, the parent on year three of bedtime alphabet duty, and the coworker who corrects your grammar in Slack. Tuck a pack in a teacher gift bag next to a Last One pack for the teacher who has been down to their last one since Labor Day.
3. For the neighbor who reads every yard on the block: Welcome / Now Fuck Off Garden Gnome Flag
From the sidewalk, it is the sweetest thing on the street. A cheerful little gnome. A tidy garden. A wooden sign that says Welcome in friendly, rounded letters. Linda walks by and assumes you have finally softened. The HOA president nods approvingly, not reading closely, as usual.
Tucked right under the sign, quiet enough to slip past every look that isn't actually trying, is the part that is just for you: Now Fuck Off.
That is the whole trick of the Welcome / Now Fuck Off Garden Gnome Flag. Nobody writes you up for a Welcome flag. Nobody files a complaint about a gnome.
If your yard needs something louder, our garden flag guide covers the rest of the lineup.
4. For winning the porch flag arms race: Hidden Fuck Off Floral Large Flag
From across the yard, the Hidden Fuck Off Floral Large Flag is a celebration. Bold retro blooms in pink, blue, orange and gold, leaves trailing everywhere, the kind of flag that makes the whole street look a little better.
Up close, woven into the leaves and hidden in the centers of the flowers, in the exact green of the foliage, is the message. Fuck off. Not once. Everywhere. You are flying a field of it.
Two grommets, a lightweight knit that actually moves in the breeze, and nothing anyone can report. Linda will compliment it. Let her.
Stock up while you still have fucks to give
Start small with the Last One and ABCDEFUCKOFF packs at $5 each: one for your desk, one for your pocket, one for the teacher gift bag. Go big with the Welcome / Now Fuck Off gnome for the garden bed ($15) or the Hidden Fuck Off florals for the porch ($25). Shipping is free on every order, so grab a few and you'll never be caught without exactly the right fuck to give.
New season. Same position. Fewer fucks left to give.