Very Happy Holiday Greeting Card

It's a sweet card. Look at it. A little red car with a tree tied to the roof, a big red bow, soft hand-drawn crayon lines. It looks like it came from a boutique stationery shop that also sells candles named after feelings.

Wishing you a very happy holiday.

Then they open it.

The Very Happy Holiday Greeting Card is for the person who gets a card from you every year out of obligation, tradition, or a family group chat that would notice if you skipped it. You sent the card. Nobody can say you didn't. What they didn't realize is it may be the last one they get.

Outside: Wishing you a very happy holiday

Inside: not really. fuck off.

Details:

• Greeting card with envelope, with plenty of room inside to sign it with love, or at least your name
• Looks completely normal in a stack of holiday cards on the mantel, which is the whole point
• Mailable, giftable, and plausibly deniable until the envelope opens
• Pairs well with the 12 Days of Fuck Off pack, a bottle of wine, or a fruitcake for the ultimate fuck off-erey.

Perfect For:

The in-laws. The neighbor with the inflatable lawn display that plays music until 11pm. The friend who will laugh so hard they text you a photo of it. Your office Secret Santa, depending on your office. Anyone on your list who is there out of habit and would secretly appreciate the honesty.

Buying for more than one person on your list? Honestly, we get it. Grab a few.