When You Can't Find The Words...Other Than Fuck Off
We get it. People are assholes and sometimes you want a better retort than the plain and effective Fuck Off. You found the right place.
Because here's the thing: a standard Fuck Off is classic. It will never go out of style. However, sometimes the moment calls for something a little extra. That's why we built the Fuck Off Generator. With just a few quick questions you end up with a fuck off personalized to your moment. Tell it who the fucker is. Tell it what they did. It will tell you exactly which fuck off is the right one for the moment - from Kindly all the way to Real Fucker - and get it into your hands before the next run-in, reply-all, empty toilet paper roll, or parking lot incident that is definitely coming.
Because you deserve to be prepared. And they deserve to be told.
Here are the common offenders the generator covers...
The Coworker
You can't avoid them. You can't always confront them. You just have to sit there, seven feet away, watching them do whatever the hell they are doing while you try to remember if this job has benefits worth staying for.
Took credit for your work. Stole your lunch. Had the audacity to microwave fish three times this week. Scheduled a meeting over lunch without food because they are a sociopath. Replies all to everything and somehow still sleeps at night.
The Roommate
Shared spaces. Shared problems. Zero shared awareness that you are a person with feelings about the toilet paper roll.
Left the dishes in the sink. Again. Stole your food. Didn't replace the roll - saw it was empty, acknowledged it somehow with their entire body, and walked away. Watched your show without you. Left another passive aggressive note like they haven't been the problem this whole time.
The Neighbor
So close. So unable to escape. So convinced that your lawn, your driveway, your garbage cans, and your general life are somehow communal property.
Parked like an asshole. Reported you to the HOA. Snooped through your garbage cans. Ignores quiet hours. Lets their dog treat your yard like a personal bathroom and walks away like the bags aren't RIGHT THERE.
The Ex
Not the quiet ending. Not the mutual "this ran its course" situation. The one who blew up your life and somehow still somehow remains n your orbit.
Broke the no-contact rule. Snooped on your socials. Hit on your friend...your friend. Ran into you again this week because of course they did, because this is just what your life is now apparently.
The Friend
The people you chose. The people who are supposed to be on your side. The people who occasionally, mysteriously, become the people who also need a flag.
Cancelled your plans last minute. Again. Showed up super late. Gave you unsolicited advice about your life, your choices, your general situation that they were absolutely not asked to weigh in on. Set you up on a bad date and has the audacity to ask how it went.
The Stranger
The beautiful, chaotic, truly unpredictable world of people you do not know and will never see again but who have somehow ended up in your business anyway.
Parked like an asshole. Cut in line. Didn't clean up after their dog. Claimed the overhead bin with a jacket - a JACKET - while your actual bag sits in your lap for four hours. Only uses speakerphone in public spaces because they have decided their conversation is everyone's conversation.
Need some creative ideas for dealing with these fuckers?