{"title":"Non Flags","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"put-your-fucking-drink-here-coaster","title":"Put Your F*cking Drink Here Coaster","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou are not asking for much. You have a nice table. You would like it to stay a nice table. You have mentioned the coaster. You have pointed at the coaster. You have watched someone look directly at the coaster and set their wet glass six inches to the left of it and you have had to make a choice about who you are in that moment.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis coaster makes that choice for you. Clear instructions. Right there on the surface. No follow up conversation required.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHardboard MDF: 0.12″ (3mm) with cork backing: 0.04″ (1mm)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHigh-gloss top finish. Size: 3.74″ x 3.74″ x 0.16″. Rounded corners.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWater-repellent, heat-resistant, non-slip. Easy to clean.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStops water rings on the fucking table BRIAN. Use it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnyone who has watched someone set a drink directly on wood and had to do the internal math about whether to say something. The roommate situation that is mostly fine except for this one specific recurring thing. A housewarming gift that doubles as a house rule delivered on day one. The home bar that has a whole vibe going and would like people to respect it. Your friend who will put this out immediately, mean every word of it, and feel genuinely better every single time someone uses it correctly.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printful","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43876930551859,"sku":"6070248_15662","price":7.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/cork-back-coaster-front-69615cd1ad6eb.png?v=1774382676"},{"product_id":"sip-happens-i-m-fucking-trying-stainless-steel-tumbler","title":"Sip Happens 20 Ounce Stainless Steel Tumbler","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSome days you're thriving. Some days you're just trying to stay hydrated and not lose your mind. This tumbler is for the latter - and honestly, most days are the latter.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Sip Happens Tumbler is for the commute, the school drop-off, the third meeting before noon, the errand run that turned into an errand spiral, and every other situation where you are holding it together by sipping through the damn straw. Some people meditate - you drink out of this tumbler. Fuck them with their ability to hold it together through breathing. Now I’m fired up again. Take a drink. Ahhh..back to normal again. Where were we…\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e20 oz. stainless steel tumbler that keeps your drink cold when you need cold and hot when you need hot \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe most honest thing on your desk or in your cupholder right now\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand wash recommended to keep the design intact, which, fair, it has been through enough\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStainless steel design makes it the perfect vessel for drinking whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. Is it water? Is it vodka? Only YOU know.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour one friend who always seems to be running around with frenetic energy and a giant mug. Let’s retire that mug. Time to upgrade. Great for the soccer fields, baseball fields, football fields - wherever you are spending an insane amount of hours and just want something that is yours. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printful","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43915324981299,"sku":"3062225_15005","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/stainless-steel-tumbler-white-left-696ae2abb5a12.png?v=1768612642"},{"product_id":"everything-happens-for-a-reason-greeting-card","title":"Everything Happens for a Reason Greeting Card","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWell life went and gone crazy again this week. You wish your friend, neighbor, spouse, ex, had this prolific reason and they are going to learn from it and be stronger. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLife isn’t always that neat. Sometimes the universe comes along and just smacks you in the face. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMaybe they deserved it. Maybe the universe is a little shit that likes to see people cry. Listen - we don’t know. We just make the cards okay universe. Don’t come around here with all your crazy eyes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eOutside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: Everything Happens for a Reason. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: And sometimes the reason is just: fuck you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e4x6 greeting card that starts in one direction and ends somewhere more realistic\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpace inside to fill in your extra color to the punchline, because there is usually something\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe card that does two things at once: solidarity and truth, in a single envelope\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpecific enough to mean something. Vague enough to cover almost anything.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe friend who is fully through the inspirational quote stage of whatever they are going through and needs someone to just say it. A layoff that came out of nowhere. A relationship that ended badly and without a good explanation. The situation your person has been processing for three months and is still not over and should not have to be over yet. The week that just went completely sideways with zero warning and zero justification. We don't know why the universe did this. We just made the card.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Fuck Off Flags","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43924876427315,"sku":"5172716_14457","price":4.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/greeting-card-4x6-front-696fe4a18957d.jpg?v=1774297730"},{"product_id":"mind-your-own-fucking-business-greeting-card","title":"Mind Your Own Fucking Business Greeting Card","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere is a whole section of cards for people you like. This is \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003enot\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that section.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou have smiled politely. Answered questions you didn’t really have any business being asked. You nodded politely through unsolicited opinions on a whole variety of things. You have been gracious about it. Like award-winning fucking gracious. Yet this little shit keeps coming for more. Not today fucker. Not. today.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eOutside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: Just a Friendly Reminder \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: Mind Your Own Fucking Business.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e4x6 greeting card. Looks like a polite note. Is not a polite note.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSmall enough to slip under a door. Specific enough that there is no confusion about what it means.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRoom for anything else that needs to be said. There is probably more to say.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMailable, giftable, and deeply satisfying to hand deliver directly\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For: \u003cbr\u003eThe neighbor who has been volunteering their thoughts on your yard, your parking, your guests, and your general life choices since the day you moved in. The group chat member who cannot read a room or a tone or apparently a single social cue. The relative who treats your relationship status like a standing agenda item at every family gathering. The coworker who circles back on things that are not their circle to be back on. Anyone in your life who has needed to hear this for longer than you care to admit.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Fuck Off Flags","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43924895596595,"sku":"5521513_14457","price":4.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/greeting-card-4x6-front-696febad5bdb6.jpg?v=1774296689"},{"product_id":"no-special-occasion-greeting-card","title":"No Special Occasion Greeting Card","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere is not a place in the card section that really fits the mood. Save yourself the mindless wandering and stop right here. We’ve got you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eJust a feeling. Just the moment. Just a few choice words written down.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cem\u003eThe No Special Occasion Greeting Card\u003c\/em\u003e is for the times that don't fit in a cookie cutter category but absolutely needs to be said. You don't owe anyone a reason. You just need to get it out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eOutside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: No Special Occasion\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInside\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e: Just felt like saying fuck this.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e4x6 greeting card with room inside to add whatever else needs saying. Or nothing. Nothing is also correct.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBland enough to leave on your desk. Pointed enough to make you smile when you look at it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMailable. Giftable. Requires zero explanation to the right person.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePairs well with a bottle of wine, a \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/fuckoffflags.com\/collections\/tiny-fucks-to-give\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"\u003epack of fuck off flags\u003c\/a\u003e, or absolutely nothing at all\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour co-worker who also just sat through that all hands and watched somebody get completely destroyed. You are in this together even if “in this” means collectively working on your resume together to go. When your friend’s marriage blows up and there isn’t really a sympathy card to say your old spouse really fucked you over. The sympathy card for when sympathy is a four letter word.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printful","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44063383093299,"sku":"7099031_14457","price":4.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/greeting-card-4x6-front-6998b86d9af99.jpg?v=1771616395"}],"url":"https:\/\/fuckoffflags.com\/collections\/non-flags.oembed","provider":"Fuck Off Flags","version":"1.0","type":"link"}