{"title":"Happy Fucking Holidays","description":"\u003cp\u003eTis the season to probably fuck off. Holiday toothpick flags, cards and gifts for everyone on your list, naughty, nice or just in  your fucking eye line. We don't care. Do you.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"all-the-fucks-to-give-assortment","title":"All the Fucks to Give Toothpick Flags Assortment","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot all fuck offs are created equal. There is the subtle whisper. There is the loud rant with a middle finger. And there is everything in between.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe All the Fucks to Give Toothpick Flags Assortment covers your bases from quiet to in your face. You are not a robot. You are a person. And that person needs 12-24 different ways to say fuck off - and we are not going to stand in your way.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNobody wants to be fenced in to one fuck off style when life keeps handing you so many different situations. Be you. Be specific. Never run out of a fuck to give.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDetails\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e12 unique designs, one for almost every situation life is currently throwing at you (x 2 in 24 pack)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e2.5\" tall, toothpick-sized. Fits in a pocket, a cup holder, a plant pot, or anywhere else a point needs to be made\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e12 designs. Up to 24 moments of petty, specific, deeply satisfying communication\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e12 - 24 opportunities to also get your own Fuck Off flag back. You see how we made that happen. They’re a fucker. You’re a fucker. Everybody gets to fuck off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect For:  \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe friend who just needs options. White elephant parties. A birthday gift for someone entering a new decade. The newly retired, the newly divorced, the newly unbothered. People who like to be prepared. Foul-mouthed friends who like to leave a mark. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eProbably NOT for work - unless you are on your way out. If so, hell, let us know. We may send extra. Those fuckers deserve it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ToothpickFlag.com","offers":[{"title":"12","offer_id":44533143896115,"sku":"ALLTOGIVE-1","price":10.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"24","offer_id":44533143928883,"sku":"ALLTOGIVE-2","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/AllTheFuckstoGive.png?v=1784229462"},{"product_id":"send-a-card-anonymously-we-mail-it-for-you-funny-rude-greeting-card-service","title":"Send a Greeting Card Anonymously","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWe'll mail it. You were never here.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eSome things need to be said in writing, and specifically not by you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003ePick the card. Pick the closing line. Give us the address. We handwrite it, stamp it, and drop it in a plain white envelope with nothing on the outside. No return address. No logo. No receipt tucked inside. Just a card landing in a mailbox on a Tuesday for reasons the recipient is going to have to sit with for a while.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eIt works on people you love, too. Most of these go to friends.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHow it works\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eEverything happens right on this page. Choose your card and your closing line, tell us who it's going to, and check out. That's it. Nothing else to fill in later, no email chasing you for details.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eWe mail within two business days. After that it belongs to the postal service, which operates on a timeline best described as a range.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat's in the envelope\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eA card. Handwritten. That's the entire list.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eNo packing slip, no branding on the outside, no hint of who paid for it. If you signed it, they'll know. If you didn't, they won't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTwo cards to choose from right now\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eJust Because.\u003c\/em\u003e A grid of nine cheerful little faces on the front. Inside, it points out that fucking off doesn't seem to come naturally to them. More helpful than hostile, technically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eThinking of You.\u003c\/em\u003e Retro chevrons, warm colors, the most sincere-looking card we make. Inside: and getting pissed off. It's the one that reads like a real card until the exact moment it doesn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCustom ways to close it\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eYou pick from our lines rather than writing your own. That's on purpose. We're funnier than anybody is at 2am, and it keeps this a joke instead of something else. \u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eOr nothing at all, and let the card do the whole job.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSign it however (or don't)\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003eUs your name. One of our options or leave it blank and let them work through the list themselves.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe rules\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eOne card, one address, one time. Adults only. And if a card lands somewhere it isn't wanted, that person emails \u003ca href=\"mailto:stopmailing@fuckoffflags.com\"\u003estopmailing@fuckoffflags.com\u003c\/a\u003e and we never mail that address again, no questions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eIf what you want is to scare somebody, we're the wrong shop, and we'd honestly rather you didn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDetails\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e5x7 folded card, blank inside for us to write your line\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHandwritten in block capitals, plain white envelope, Forever stamp\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMailed within two business days, US addresses only for now\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYou'll get an email from us the day it goes out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Fuck Off Flags","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44769399963699,"sku":null,"price":12.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/CardsandEnvelope.png?v=1787684943"},{"product_id":"very-happy-holiday-greeting-card","title":"Very Happy Holiday Greeting Card","description":"\u003cp\u003eIt's a sweet card. Look at it. A little red car with a tree tied to the roof, a big red bow, soft hand-drawn crayon lines. It looks like it came from a boutique stationery shop that also sells candles named after feelings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWishing you a very happy holiday.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThen they open it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Very Happy Holiday Greeting Card is for the person who gets a card from you every year out of obligation, tradition, or a family group chat that would notice if you skipped it. You sent the card. Nobody can say you didn't. What they didn't realize is it may be the last one they get.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOutside: Wishing you a very happy holiday\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eInside: not really. fuck off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDetails:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGreeting card with envelope, with plenty of room inside to sign it with love, or at least your name\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLooks completely normal in a stack of holiday cards on the mantel, which is the whole point\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMailable, giftable, and plausibly deniable until the envelope opens\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePairs well with the 12 Days of Fuck Off pack, a bottle of wine, or a fruitcake for the ultimate fuck off-erey.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe in-laws. The neighbor with the inflatable lawn display that plays music until 11pm. The friend who will laugh so hard they text you a photo of it. Your office Secret Santa, depending on your office. Anyone on your list who is there out of habit and would secretly appreciate the honesty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuying for more than one person on your list? Honestly, we get it. Grab a few.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Fuck Off Flags","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44915696009267,"sku":"HAPPYHOLCARD","price":4.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/very-happy-holiday-card-03-open-flat.jpg?v=1790273353"},{"product_id":"the-12-days-of-fuck-off-holiday-toothpick-flag-pack","title":"The 12 Days of Fuck Off Holiday Toothpick Flag Pack","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. They are also the time of year where you drive four hours with a tree on the roof, hear the same six songs in every store, and get asked about your love life by a relative who has not asked you a single other question since last December.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo we made festive fuck offs to honor this spirit this time of year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTwelve flags, six festive fuck offs, covering all of it: the joy, the chaos, the gift exchange that got out of hand, and the out-of-office you have been drafting in your head since Halloween. Plant them in the cookie tray, the cocktail, the white elephant gift, or all over the tree. 'Tis the season to be honest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDetails:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e(12) 2.5\" toothpick flags: 6 designs, 2 of each\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe lineup: Merry Fucking Christmas, Happy Fucking Holidays, Ho! Ho! Ho! Fuck Off., Fa-La-La-La-La Fuck Off, To: Regifted \/ From: Fuck Off, and Out of Office: Fuck Off Until January\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTwo of each, because one is for the party and one is for the person at the party\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWorks as a gift tag, too. Stick one in the bow and skip the Sharpie.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFestive enough for the office. Mostly.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhite elephant and Yankee swap, where it will be the gift everyone tries to steal. Holiday party cocktails and cupcakes. Stocking stuffers for the friend who survives the season on spite and eggnog. The coworker counting down to PTO. Hosting duty, when you have made the cookies and are officially done being festive for the evening.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAdd the Very Happy Holiday Greeting Card and the whole gift is handled. Order early. The holidays are coming whether you're ready or not.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ToothpickFlag.com","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44915696795699,"sku":"12DAYSFOFF","price":10.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/files\/12-days-of-fuck-off-01-all-six-designs.jpg?v=1790273380"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0613\/2881\/8227\/collections\/12-days-of-fuck-off-08-lifestyle-gift-pile_b8e22056-e941-4d2b-846a-f539d99fadab.jpg?v=1790275022","url":"https:\/\/fuckoffflags.com\/collections\/happy-fucking-holidays.oembed","provider":"Fuck Off Flags","version":"1.0","type":"link"}